This year has been one of incredible changes. Our time as a homeschooling family came to an abrupt end when our youngest daughter decided to enrol in a college course. Over 20 years we homeschooled, and suddenly, it was done! As well, daughters have moved out, one more went interstate, grandbabies came along, and life feels - different.
I've been studying hard, completing a Certificate IV in Business, a Certificate IV in Business Admin, and I was lucky enough to win a spot in a Certificate in Medical Reception. You see I felt that with my children grown, it was time for me to return to work and since I have enjoyed office work in the past, that I would simply go get an office job. I was wrong - there was nothing 'simple' about it. I've given up counting how many jobs I've applied for - and most I'm sure didn't even look at my application. I did secure two interviews; one went well, but during the other I was met with a comment from the interviewer which floored me somewhat:
'But... you haven't had a job in over 20 years?'.
'No', I replied, 'But I ran my own business, as well as homeschooled and raised my eight children'.
'Oh', came the answer. 'Well, thanks for coming in'.
And that was that.
I resigned myself to the fact that I may actually not get a job, and with my husband working full-time, we can manage; except that just when I accepted all this, his job came under fire. They are selling the business, and the future of his position is unknown. Add to that, my daughter also works at the same service station, as well as my older daughter's boyfriend - putting all three jobs in jeapordy. It's made everyone quite uneasy.
So, I applied for more jobs - and I begin to think that I need to let of of 'this whole art thing' - I mean, am I REALLY any good? Is there any future in it at all? Yes, I love to paint, but isn't it 'just a hobby'? Shouldn't I go get a 'real job'? I even enrolled in a Diploma in Art Therapy online, although I was unsure of the career potential. And I made plans. I searched out careers, study options, and potential courses - ones that have potential to gain me employment. But here's the weird thing - every single time I do this (and I do it often!) - roadblocks appear in my way, whether it be location of the course, costs, availability, or something. But not only that. Just when I decide to focus on something other than art, something else happens that instantly calls me back. This time, I woke up with a 3 year plan of becoming a counsellor, figuring out my study options, etc., and I picked up my phone to discover I've WON a spot in an upcoming art course. Previously, I've had things happen such as being in a state of severe doubt, when some random person says, 'Oh, please keep up your art - I LOVE seeing it all on Facebook, totally brightens my day!' Maybe I'm not going to make my living from art - maybe I don't need to. Maybe I worry too much and all will be well at the service station, and we are able to get by on one income,with a little be here and there from art. Maybe the universe has other plans for me. I don't know. I do know it's time to take care of my health, and I do know big changes are afoot - I feel them in my very soul. And I know that if I haven't painted anything in a few days, that itchy feeling inside me starts to grow, and it's only calmed by putting paint on canvas. In any case, I love studying my Art Therapy Diploma, and as they offered a 2-for-1 special when I signed up, I'm already registered in the Advanced Art Therapy Diploma next year so that's a good thing! One friend said that I should get that Admin job 2 or 3 days a week and then paint, paint and paint. I still like that plan. Maybe I will still find that job - or maybe it won't matter. Let's see what happens! I'm learning to breathe and let go, and see where life takes me.
Linda.